Coconut FM · the official record
Everything anyone knows, in order. It is short. That is not an accident.
01 The island
There is an island. It is not on any map. We have checked several — official ones, old ones, one drawn from memory by a sailor who wishes to remain anonymous. Nothing.
It is tropical. There is a beach, a lagoon that shows off when the light is right, and coconuts in quantities the clinic describes as “stable”. Parts of the island remain unexplained. The north beach is closed. It was always closed.
02 The tower
On the island there is a radio tower. Nobody built it. Records were checked; there are no records. The tower was already here.
Its light was already blinking when it was found, which raises questions the island has decided not to answer. It is a good tower. It reaches further than a tower its size should.
03 The goose
A goose found the tower. The goose worked out the equipment surprisingly fast — the faders, the transmitter, the little lamp that means ON AIR. Nobody explains this either.
The goose wears a mask. The mask is not hiding a face; it is holding a shape. This is the kind of sentence the goose says when asked, which is why people have mostly stopped asking.
04 The broadcast
The goose noticed that people, in general, do not feel great. Too much thinking, not enough low end. The goose cannot fix that. But music helps — reliably, repeatably, at any volume.
So the tower broadcasts. All day, all night. Warm, unhurried music for studying, working, and staring at a wall in a productive way. This is the waiting room. It is always open. Coconut FM, if you need a name for it. The goose rarely does.
05 Honk Therapy
Once a week, the goose holds a group session. It is called Honk Therapy: one hour of music, administered live, in ascending order of feeling.
Everyone involved treats this as a legitimate treatment method. There is a treatment plan. There are side effects — mild, rhythmic. There is a disclaimer, which says it is mostly bass, because it is mostly bass. The first session has a date. Attendance is free. The music is the treatment.
06 You
This is the part where you come in. You press play. You sit in the waiting room. Maybe you leave a song for a stranger — every week, one of those is played on air, from someone who needed it once to someone who needs it now.
Maybe you press the emergency honk button. It gets filed. Everything here gets filed.
And on Sundays, you come back. That is the whole story so far. The rest is still broadcasting.
appendices · attached to the official record
appendix A — The island, surveyed
locations confirmed to exist. survey incomplete on purpose.
The Waiting Room
Always open. Technically a frequency, but patients report it has chairs.
The Treatment Room
Where the weekly session happens. The rest of the week, the door hums quietly.
Coconut FM Tower
Already here. Reaches further than a tower its size should. The light blinks in a pattern nobody has written down.
Sunset Lagoon
Shows off when the light is right. Prescribed for viewing: twenty minutes, no phone.
Deep House Bay
The water is deeper than the charts say. So is the playlist.
Coconut Storage
Reserves: stable. Inspected daily. Counted twice on Sundays, for reasons of ceremony.
Emergency Broadcast Point
For emergencies. Has been used once. Nobody says when.
The North Beach
Closed. It was always closed. Do not ask about the north beach.
appendix B — Personnel file
complete staff roster. there will not be a fourth entry until there is.
The goose · treatment director
Founder, broadcaster, Certified Honk Therapy Practitioner. The certificate is framed. The framer is not named.
The intern · clinical documentation
Has never been seen. The coffee is always warm. Types everything, including this.
Reception · patient intake
Answers the chat. Keeps the emergency songs behind glass. Files honks by weight.
appendix C — Equipment inventory
all instruments load-bearing. none explained.
The Emergency Honk Button
Big, red, real. Nobody fully knows what happens when pressed. Pressed daily anyway.
The Bassline Regulator
Keeps the low end at treatment grade. Hums in agreement with itself.
The Mood Stabilizer
One dial. It goes from “fine” to “better”. There are no other settings.
The Signal Analyzer
Confirms the signal is strong. Has never been asked a follow-up question.
The Patient Notes
A notebook the goose writes in during sessions. Contents unknown. Handwriting: wing.
The Certificate Wall
Certified Honk Therapy Practitioner · Emotional Bassline Specialist · Licensed by the Coconut FM Board of Feelings. One of them is real. The clinic will not say which.
appendix D — Matters under observation
the clinic does not investigate these. investigation would imply concern.
The signal
Some nights, between songs, the tower receives. Nobody transmits to it. The goose listens, writes something in the patient notes, and does not comment.
The light
The tower light blinks in a pattern. The pattern has never repeated. The intern stopped logging it at entry four hundred.
The warm console
When the goose arrived, the equipment was warm, as if recently used. This is not discussed during broadcast hours.
Day zero
The broadcast counts its days from session one. There is no day zero. The goose does not acknowledge a day zero. Please do not bring it up at reception.
The tide
The tide has never come in on the community wall. The sea appears to be aware of the wall. That is all anyone will confirm.
The waiting room, at night
The listener counter has never read zero. Even at 4 a.m. Even in a storm. Somebody is always in the waiting room, and it is not always clear who.
The coffee
The intern’s coffee is always warm. The intern has never been seen making it. These two facts are believed to be related.
the day-to-day version is kept in the log.